Wednesday, 27 August 2014

People Should Not Judge Me If They Don't Know I Have Lost Someone Close to Me

A few years back , I got told by someone I'd been a friend with for 16 years that I knew nothing of what it was like to lose someone close to me when his dad died extremely suddenly of a heart attack when he had no symptoms of being unwell. What I post next shows how little he knew. OK, I never met her, but the time around Christmas 1981 was a happy one and a very hard one for my parents: happy as  my identical twin sister and  I were born, albeit 3 months early, unable to breathe on our own and with numerous infections. 3 days after that we both suffered cardiac arrests and the hospital staff and my parents were told to say goodbye to us. We bounced back, until 6 days later, when my sister Natalie passed away due to heart and kidney failure. Then, I was diagnosed with hydrocephalus and spastic quad CP. My parents were told I'd  be a vegetable. 2 weeks after I was born I was extubated, but my parents had had to undergo my sister's funeral before they were even told the extent of my disabilities. 
In 2003, when I was 2 weeks into my final year of university, I got a call from my grandmother. She and I have always been extremely close. This call was different. She told me that my grandad was lying on a gurney at the hospital.  I had to ask her to repeat herself. I asked if she had been to see him, She said it was too late- I asked why. She said he'd passed away that morning. It was their wedding anniversary.  She said the last thing he did was tell her to open her anniversary card. I have never cried so hard. In that moment, nothing mattered, not my studies or degree, nothing. The girls I shared a house with, who by now were my friends, and one was my best friend,  heard me  crying and hugged me and said they were sorry for my loss. I felt empty, and like all I wanted was to be near my family. I couldn't concentrate for the rest of that term, and was prepared to give my degree up, abandon the university I loved. But I didn't, not completely. I went to live back at home with my parents and commuted each day. I graduated in 2004 and was so sad my grandad, Terrence Barton Kelly, was not there to see one of the biggest moments  of my life. 
Just recently, I found out that my PCA from Infant (elementary) school passed away due to cancer. I was numb when I read the email from my mum. Without Avis Rance, I would not have learnt to write, or read or be more confident.   
So, I do have an idea what it is like to lose someone. I may not have lost my parents, but these people were close to me, and it still hurts as much. People who know nothing should keep their mouths  shut. Needless to say, my friend and I are no longer in contact after he told me to get on with my life  in a way that said he did not care about me at all after my parents made me homeless when I was 30. At times, I think back to the good times I had with this friend and mutual friends we have, and I feel sad, I want to have those times again and to let him know what is going on in my life, to let him know I won NaNoWriMo last year as well as Camp NaNoWriMo twice  this year and am fighting to publish my first novel. I want to tell people what I have done and for them to be happy for me. I have other  great friends who I thought would be lifelong but decided to turn their backs and disappear from my life. So, yes, I do know what it is like to lose someone in more ways than one. 

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