30 Day Blogging Challenge Day 7: Let's Stomp Out Bulling Together

Today is World STOMP OUT BULLYING DAY! - wear blue! http://www.stompoutbullying.org/index.php/campaigns/blue-shirt-day-world-day-bullying-prevention/

 Bullying is something I know a lot about, because I was bullied for years because of my disabilities. Most of the bullying happened to me at school. To help you understand why my bullying originated, I'm going to talk to you a little bit about my disabilities, and how they affect me. I was born three months early, and was unable to breathe from the moment I was born, so this caused me to be diagnosed with spastic quadriplegia cerebral palsy and hydrocephalus. When people hear these terms, they really don't understand what they mean. My cerebral palsy means that my muscles are too tight, making it difficult for me to move. My CP affects my whole body. Hydrocephalus is an invisible disability, as I described in my second blog post, (more details about what it is are there too) and perhaps that was worse for me, as, as people couldn't see it, they didn't know what to say to me about it, and therefore would say anything that came into their heads, although they also said whatever they wanted about my cerebral palsy, and I was repeatedly called the classic insults that people use with people that have cerebral palsy: spastic, four eyes (due to my glasses), and people would use the 'R'  word a lot – this is a word that I really do not like. I was also called a baby by a teacher I really trusted, when I got upset over an exam result, because it was in one of my favourite subjects which was geography. Despite that, I still went on to study the subject at university, and I have a degree in it. People calling me a baby was much more evident much earlier on, in fact at the time when my parents were looking around for an infant (elementary) school for me, the school originally refused to accept me because of my incontinence, and my complex needs. After a lot of fighting, pressure and letters from my parents to the school,  I got in .

I am  an intelligent person, but people automatically assume that I can't learn, and that I'm stupid. I am an inquisitive person, and like to ask questions, but when I was at school, people assumed this meant I didn't understand the work. This was true in subjects like maths, and some areas of technology and science, but was not true for the rest. In fact, my reason for asking so many questions, was that I wanted to be certain that I was doing all the right things so that I could do my very best in the work. I was a very hard-working person, and still am now.

One time at university, I can still clearly remember one lecturer wanting to throw me out of her office because I was asking so many questions, and she was getting annoyed with that. Needless to say, I avoided her from then on!

Unfortunately, people also targeted me because they knew I was a sensitive person, and I would cry at the drop of a hat. I was very serious about my disabilities, and I wanted people to be serious about them as well, and understand them, but not treat me as if my disability was the only aspect of me, and to see me as a whole person instead, not just a range of complex disabilities. I had fought  to come into this world, and I wanted to be accepted and respected in it. People would either bully me in groups or alone. 

So, you ask, what did I do to help the situation? Well, first of all I did my best to ignore the bullies, but that seemed to anger some of them more . Then, and some of the people who were bullying me were in some of my classes when my sister was at the same school as me, she backed me up, but then I decided that I had to try and do something. I tried first to academically impress, or outdo, the bullies, so that they would value me, and then I even tried to befriend some of them (not great friends, just small talk now and then.) Some of my tactics seemed to work, and, although I was glad to not be best friends with the bullies, they certainly seemed to get fed up of bullying me and seem to respect me, at least a little.

What this has meant for me over the years.

Once I left the schools I was bullied at , I didn't really hear from too many people I had known until, one day, my mum came back from work and told me that the mother of one of the bullies had phoned up the dentist surgery where she worked, and had actually asked after me. My mum told her what I had been up to in life since going to school, and they exchanged stories for a while. When my mum told me this I was actually quite shocked. Mum also told me that the person who had previously bullied me was not doing too well in life. Sometime later, the person himself actually phoned up the dentist surgery to make an appointment, and told my mum that he was proud of what I had achieved.

When I heard this, I just said 'well, that doesn't really matter much to me now, 'as all I could think about was how they had been to me all those years ago. People told me that I should 'toughen up' or 'be stronger' but, there were times when I couldn't be as my self confidence and self esteem were so low, and the reality of being bullied for me was too much to bear. 

I would feel like this wherever the bullying took place, whether it was school, at the swimming pool, or out shopping, as people would notice I'd need help with something or notice my disability. 

Now, I am pleased to say that as an adult, I  have forced myself to be stronger than I was,  IN ANY SITUATION, and I am a better person for it. When I felt really bad I , did talk to people I trusted about the bullying, but there were some people I found it more difficult to tell, for example my parents, as I wasn't sure how they were going to react. Then when I'm around in my mind was whether the choice for me to go to mainstream school was a good idea. I kept thinking that I would have had more support in a special education school, but the doctors argued that when I was five years old, I would be better in a mainstream school with specialist assistance in classes as they saw that my intelligence was at a good level, although they did recognise the extremely complex nature of my disability and needs.

When I look back on it all, I can remember the difficult moments as if it were yesterday, but I am a better person for going through what I did as it will me to cope with really difficult situations, people, and attitudes, and I have seen how much stronger I've become.now for example, I will not worry about what people think of me. 

My lesson to the bullies is this ' you wasted your time bullying, humiliating, and belittling a person you thought was weak, but  who  you knew nothing about- ME' 

Bullying and humiliation closer to home 

My parents and aunty wanted the best for me, and I felt pressure to do well. I went through various complicated operations because of my hydrocephalus. These operations were life-threatening, but I pulled through every one. One day though, whilst at my parents' house for a family gathering, she decided to laugh at my scars and compare them to the  canoes in the Oxford & Cambridge boat race. I was humiliated, and did not want much to do with her from then on. 

I grew up the only person with any type of disability in my family, and felt that singled me out. Having been overprotected due to my disabilities, and not being confident, I did not assert myself much, and tended to be swept along by what my parents  and few close friends wanted for me, or what I should do or say in a situation, according to what others around me thought. My parents and I are different people and have different opinions and outlooks on life. Even today, they don't totally 'agree' with me always, but that's life. 

This links me to my next post: Growing Up as the Only Person with A disability in the Family (Close and Extended) 

Have a great week! 

I was tweeted this video  by the Upstand team, so I can share bullying awareness with the world. It has a great message 

http://www.willustand.com/standtheanthem.php