It all started when I was at school, and was because of my disabilities and the fact my teachers and classmates couldn't accept or understand my needs. As I've briefly mentioned in other posts in this blog, much of the bullying took place at Infant and Primary School. There were the usual insults related to disability "spastic" , and much worse. What I didn't know at the time was that another factor that made me a target for bullies was not just my disabilities, but my shyness and lack of self- confidence.
Once I realized this , however, I was able to try and "toughen up" as I was advised to do , and not be so sensitive to others' remarks. Although this was easier said than done, over the years I did achieve it . Once I moved onto Secondary School, I thought "it's ok, it won't happen here, people are more mature" , but I was wrong: it did, but the difference was I was able to defend myself. I didn't choose to be really rude back, but instead answer intelligently . I avoided the people who I identified as bullies, and that helped too. University was a "bully - free zone", as you'd expect it to be, on the part of he students, but where I felt threatened was by an assistant I had in my Spanish classes at Swansea University. I was 18 at the time, and it was the first time I'd been away from home . The University Disability Services Officer paired me with a guy from Murcia . We got off to a good start, as I'd been to the Murcia region on holiday the Summer before, so we talked about that, both in Spanish and English , as I wanted a chance to speak Spanish and him English. Then, after a few weeks, his attitude changed. He seemed to "lose" his enthusiasm for his job helping me, and it turned out he was not in the job out of a genuine desire to help, but just for he money. While I was talking to him about his intentions, he revealed that he preferred working with another girl (doing the same job as he did with me ) and the the had "too much on his plate" as he studied too. I listened and said that wasn't really my problem as he'd volunteered himself to help me , and he also got paid for that. He then started yelling at me , telling me to get away from him . I went to the Disability Office and told the then- Disability Officer Richard Edwards what was going on. He suggested a meeting , during which , it turned out, my assistant shouted at me and him when Richard suggested we get a coffee together and talk things over. I can remember the exact words were "if You think I'm gonna get a coffee with her, you're mistaken" . He walked out of the office and out of my life without so much as a backward glance. Needless to say, I had no more problems on that score as the University found people who actually wanted to do their job properly. The same can be said, luckily, during my time at Reading University.
The next encounter I had in life with a type of bullying was when I was looking for a job. It seemed the only thing people could see were my disabilities and not me , as the content of my CV , the fact I always make an effort to look my best, and my qualifications were of much less importance, or , I'd say , immaterial to some of them. I had many experiences of people whispering about me in front of me, being called a "liability" , and some making a big show of asking me what Cerebral Palsy and Hydrocephalus are, and not concentrating on the interview questions. Fortunately, there were people who saw me for "me" and gave me work .
I have also had my fair share of "professionals" such as doctors and social services , saying things out of line, and there have been times when I've felt threatened by a comment on the Internet or a text message by someone I thought I trusted.
As you can see, my experiences of bullying have been varied , and I often ask myself why I think people bullied me. Sometimes I think they felt intimidated by the fact that although I have the disabilities I do, I can speak for myself and speak my mind , often in a more intelligent way than they think I'll be able to. In situations where I was up against competition (education, job hunt) they'd try and play on my flaws . Maybe they were jealous of some aspect of my life too. I'm just guessing here, as many of them weren't brave or upfront enough to say what their problem was , and still don't. One day that'll always stick in my mind was when I went for an interview (the one where they ended up asking me what my disabilities were , and avoiding the interview questions) . I phoned a few days later to see how I'd done and they didn't say much as to why I wasn't successful , so I asked them outright. "does this have to do with the fact I'm disabled"? They tried to pussyfoot round the subject, and so I just said "yes, I thought so, " and hung up.
Whatever people's reasons for bullying me, I am proud of myself I was able to learn to "rise above" the bullies. Yes, it hurt me that some of the people who didn't treat me as they should have were people I considered "friends" , but I just tell myself I am who I am , and if they don't like me, it's their loss. I'm glad the bullying was verbal , not physical, although people say verbal is the worst kind. I'm glad I was , and am, strong enough to recognize when I feel uncomfortable and/ or threatened , and am able to act on it.
Spread awareness for Bullying Awareness Month now and always!
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